• Dee Porter

"You Don't Understand. YOU'RE NOT SINGLE."


Let me guess: you're in your early 30's and have been happily married around 10 years. Now when you met your husband, he was 21 and had no idea what he wanted out of life. He was working a fast-food job, stayed with his mom, and his biggest accomplishment was that one time he didn't have to borrow $10 for gas money in between paychecks. But he was 21; he was supposed to be broke so it was okay.

Y'all were married by 23 and had a kid at 24. He cheated on you a couple of times, and your friends told you to leave. He clearly wasn't interested in a long-term relationship, and they were tired of seeing you be hurt when you were so young and had barely experienced life. But what did you tell your bestie...?

"You don't understand. YOU'RE NOT MARRIED."

You're right, sis. We don't get it. I don't have a husband or children. And 10 years after you married that man that wasn't shit, would you look at life: he stopped cheating (or got better at hiding it), went to school and acquired a career he cares about, and is financially stable. And it only took him to turn 31 to realize what's important in life.

Yea.....that's like, pretty much everyone.

And my single, no-kid-having ass is out here having good credit, knowing who I am, going on vacations and loving my life, so I refuse to accept less in a suitor when I know my worth. So somebody explain to me why "married bestie" feels the need to insert herself in my single business?

"He might not know what he wants out of life right now, but he'll figure it out. When I met my husband, he worked at (random fast food place) and had no idea who he was...."

Me: okay....how old were you though...?

*sighs in sarcasm*

EXACTLY.

If you've been married 10 years and you're only 32, you have no idea what it's like to be a real adult and date. What does my 33 year old ass look like dating a man my current age, who doesn't have anything figured out? Do you know who I am?? I've always known what I've wanted; when I was younger, I understood that most people didn't and so I dated guys who were still trying to figure it out. But at what age do you finally put your foot down and expect more from a partner?

Not many things irritate me more than the married friend who expects you to go the same route she did, but at your current age. Sis knows absolutely nothing about being a career woman in her 30's and dating, but swear she has all the answers, simply because she got a cheap ring that her husband was able to upgrade when he got a raise from a real job.

Stop trying to offer me advice if you've never been in my shoes. Being married doesn't make you an expert on dating in your 30's, unless you were dating in your 30's. So the next time your married friends try to make you feel bad because you have sensible standards, tell them:

"You don't understand. YOU'RE NOT SINGLE."

Picture: valentinrussanov / Getty

#blackwomendating #dating #relationships #single #middleagedating

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