• Dee Porter

#WomanConvoWednesday: Does a Woman 'Like' the Abuse if She Stays?


Everyone has an opinion on other people's relationships; it's human nature. But there seems to be a serious misunderstanding when it comes to the actions of those in the relationship. When a woman forgives a man for cheating, does that mean her friends should ignore her pain if he cheats again? And when a woman stays with a man who has abused her, does that mean she's accepting of the abuse?

I've heard too many people say "well she stayed; she must like it. Some women only know love in the form of abuse."

So let me get this straight: there's a human being alive who likes getting punched, raped, slapped, kidnapped, talked down upon, and alienated from anyone who actually cares for him/her?

I briefly dated a guy who showed every sign of this possessive behavior. Thank goodness I caught it and left him alone before anything happened. I know the woman he's dating now; he's already been to jail once for beating her up. But because she hasn't left, most of her friends assume she likes her life of fear and abuse and ignore it.

Abusers know which women to prey upon. They break down your self-esteem, make you feel like nobody else loves you, then by the time they start the physical abuse, your friends and family have distanced themselves from you, so you really do feel like nobody cares and you have nowhere to go.

What friends and family don't see is how afraid the abuse victim is. How they don't have their own bank account. How the threat of the abuser hurting their family is looming on them every time they think to leave. Or what if there are children involved? Maybe the abuse victim grew up without a father and she wants that for her kid, and the kid isn't being abused, so she's afraid to break up the family, even though her child's father is nearly killing her.

Biggie and Lil Kim. Fabolous and Emily B. Dr. Dre and Miche'le. All alleged woman beaters, yet one is revered as the greatest rapper of all time, one is still selling out shows, and one is a billionaire and some of you probably own his headphones. And women still love them.

So...if a woman stays with her abuser, do you think she likes the abuse?

#domesticviolence #abuse #fabolous #emilyb #drdremichele #domesticviolenceshelter

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